Toto - I think we are back in Kansas

While I anticipated with pleasure the high mountain desert climate of Denver I did not realize that meant that I would shed my skin like a snake every few weeks.   It is still better than feeling like a wet sponge in the middle of August in New York.

Perhaps more humorous was a cultural shock that I really was unprepared to experience.   Around mid-day I heard a siren blast with one long shrill tone.    While I did not remember hearing this before I figured it was a daily test of the siren at high noon.    But then I checked the clock and saw that it was after 1 pm?

Before I could ask Rachel for some input on this puzzle the TV show Marissa was watching was interrupted with words I have not heard since I was a kid:  "This is the Emergency Broadcast System".

Of course I had only heard those words at the end of the broadcast day (which I don't think exists anymore) with the familiar and politically incorrect Indian head and bulls eye.  (Why the Indian?  Does this mean we should circle the wagons?)

It would start out with the same "This is the Emergency Broadcast System (EBS)" but would continue with 'This is just  test.  If this were a real emergency you would be given instructions....blah blah blah'.   

I always associated the EBS with the nuclear threat and the Cuban missile crisis.   For a moment I thought we were under attack.   But before I could completely process this shocking news we were informed that Denver and the surrounding counties were under a 'tornado warning alert' until 2:45 p.m.

While I decided this was a much better alternative than the end of the human race I did know what to do if there was a nuclear attack (head for a fallout shelter and pray) but had no clue what to do if under the threat of a tornado attack.

Fortunately, with internet access, I was able to go the weather channel web site and get the technical definition for 'tornado warning' versus 'tornado watch' and what to do in case of either situation.   Of course the only situations it covered were single family wooden structures, schools, and mobile homes.   Nothing for apartment dwellers on the 23rd floor.  

I figured at least we would be the first to spot one.  Thus I spent about 10 minutes on the balcony in 'tornado spotting mode' but quickly determined that our western exposure was useless in this situation.   Apparently 'tornado alley' is toward the eastern plains.    But I felt like I had done my part and was no longer a naive New Yorker and one step closer to discovering my western roots.

I Thought Cheap Labor Had Been Outsourced!?

Furniture used to be hand crafted by talented artists and apprentices.    Mass production allowed the creation of a less skilled workforce that made 'fine' furniture affordable to the middle class.   Then cost effective international transportation allowed for these less skilled jobs to be sent to countries with lower costs of living and salaries.   Now furniture was cheaper than ever.   Was that the end of the manufacturing evolution?   NOPE.    Now furniture is manufactured overseas or south of the border but the assembly is completed at 'zero cost' to the manufacturer by - you guessed it - the customer.

The above diagram is for a futon couch but in fact Rachel spent the day completing the assembly of a TV stand to hold our audio/video gear.   I went out with Marissa shopping for groceries and cat food.  Rachel loves putting these things together (but does voice complaints a bit during the process about the 'stupid directions').  I guess it reminds her of a puzzle.   It reminds me of a bad nightmare but fully dressed.   Give me a grocery list any day.   Rachel is the man.

A Blend of California and New York

Denver Dad Beaten With Skateboards

         DENVER (AP) ― A 33-year-old Denver father who took his kids to a skateboarding park was beaten by more than two dozen teens and young men at the park.

Denver Police say the victim took this three children to the Denver Skatepark Wednesday night. When some other skateboarders appeared to be in a scuffle, police say the father asked what was going on and was hit in the back of the head with a skateboard.

Police say more than two dozen skateboarders joined in the melee, striking the father with skateboards. The victim received a head injury, a fractured back vertebrae and a broken elbow.

Denver Police spokesman Sonny Jackson told The Denver Post there have been no arrests. The newspaper did not name the father.

Junk Drawers without Guilt

We are knee deep (progress over hip deep) in unpacking and I am finding most of it humorless at best. Although there are moments of pleasant surprise when we uncover the electric cord that matches up with the cordless drill, external hard drive, or other electric device. I try to celebrate these moments of reunion to get me through the other less pleasant tasks.

However during this boring process I had a moment of revelation. I was unpacking another box labeled "Miscellaneous" and trying to decide the appropriate destination for the hodgepodge of items that we could not imagine living without.

As I randomly (although I prefer to call it 'contemporary chaotic') started to place paper clips, staplers, craft paper, rubber bands, hard drives, zip drives, etc. into neatly arranged piles within the built in cabinets and drawers I suddenly had my moment of epiphany. Brace yourself for a notion that will free you from untold guilt and agida:

The reason a junk drawer creates mental anguish is that once an item is placed in a junk drawer(s) we fear and generally experience never being able to find that item again when we need it. Thus: as long as we can find the item when it is needed there is no reason to overly organize almost anything!

This is all thanks to a little bit of technology that could also be replicated with only a bit more effort with a manual system (e.g. index cards that can be alphabetized for those anal retentives that can not let go fully).

As I placed the items in the various cabinet locations I entered into my spreadsheet the item description (e.g. box of big mother paper clips), and the specific cabinet and shelf location (e.g. upper first cabinet, left door, middle shelf or U1LM in order to use an ADLA (another four digit acronym)).

So at anytime in the future I will be able to do a search on the description or part of the description and know with certainty the exact junk drawer/shelf where the item is located! While it may be a mess I will know those big mother paper clips are somewhere in that damn drawer.

Of course this presumes that when someone retrieves the box of big mother paper clips, takes one or two out, that in turn they return the box of paper clips to the original location. I am still waiting on an epiphany for a technique to address this risk.

So give it a try and let me know what you think. I might try and patent the idea or least write an app for the iPhone/iPad.

iJunk

Something about Nothing

It has been awhile since an update. I have not noticed any new or note worthy cultural idiosyncrasies of these Western folk (oops - I am starting to talk like them!). I have noticed a large minority of downtown businessmen, in nicely tailored suits, sporting 10 gallon hats and cowboy boots.

How do you think I would look with the extra 2 inch heels and an extra couple inches on top of my head? I figure that would make me a total of about 6'8". Rachel would come up to my knees. Freak show I fear.

Anyway, we got back from Ouray (5 hours up into the mountains) on Saturday night and began our unpacking in earnest Sunday. First we went shopping for 5 hours for curtains, new kitchen gear, etc. until we were ready to pass out. We had just enough energy to drag our new boxes into the apartment.

I realized at that moment we were going in the wrong direction if our goal was to reduce the towers of boxes. What is the opposite of momentum? Negative velocity multiplied by mass (our boxes) = negative momentum?


Well we turned that around by Monday or Tuesday and unpacked quite a few boxes. Of course since I created a very detailed content database for the boxes I packed (about half of the 200) and we have lots of storage space such that I don't really need to unpack many of the boxes. I have categorized the boxes into:

1. will need the crap right way - unpack first
   
2. will need the crap eventually - unpack later
3. will never need the crap but would never throw it away - store in a dark place.
   

I figure as long as I can use my database to get my hands on any object I potentially might need in the distant future (i.e. more than a week from now) that I can just stick them in the back of a closet or a laundry room cabinet until then. So technically we were at least 50% done with unpacking before we even started!

The only other great news is that I was able to sneak an hour or so into the work day setting up the cable TV and the 7 speaker surround sound system I brought from New York. Rachel hates the thing but seems happy to be able to listen to some music while doing some of the heaviest lifting.

I needed it set up for today, the first day of the Masters golf tournament. I predict even lower efficiency levels in my unpacking efforts for the next four days. I think I need to move more boxes into categories 2 and 3. (see above)

Well take care. Will update you later.

Jon

Something you won't see in Manhattan

I was surfing the web this evening and was curious to see what typical jobs and salaries in Denver might be and came across the attached job posting. I wonder if I would end up a vegetarian after about 10 minutes on the job?

The Benefits of Posing as Dumb Tourist

I highly recommend that you try and obtain an out of state driver's license during this recession.

While on the way back to Denver yesterday I was stopped by an invisible (apparently) Colorado State Highway patrolman and accused of allegedly going 70 in a 60 mph zone and then exiting the highway on an 'exit only' ramp with out using my turn signal (not sure about the law on this part). I know in fact that I had been going 70 mph but that was after passing a car (single lane highway) going about 55 mp and then resuming my cruise control back down to 60-65 mph (they usually give you 10% leeway at least in the Northeast).

I figure that with state deficits there is extra pressure to increase revenue by cracking down on all traffic violators. After all the more felonious crimes just consume cash not only with the state police but the courts and prisons. At minimum they would hope for bank robberies and other federal felony offenses so it just sucks up the FBI's bank accounts and federal judicial and prison systems.

However, there might be one exception to this new edict by the state: "Don't screw with the tourists!" that are a contributing to the economy, particularly in a state that gains a big chunk of tax revenue from tourism. That's right, after checking my plates (it is a rental but they don't visibly identify them anymore on the exterior), the trooper handed me my New York State
License (you don't officially become a resident of Colorado until you have been here 90 consecutive days) and said, "I am just giving you a warning. Please mind the speed limit and use your turn signal. Have a good day." and I was off and off the hook to boot.

Marissa was a little traumatized and for the last 60 miles of the trip and the rest of the day she kept reminding me to use my turn signal at every opportunity.